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Caesar Salad

The day before making the salad, peel and slice a clove of garlic
and add it to 1/2 cup olive oil. Let it seep overnight. (If you
forget or the salad is a last-minute decision, take a small clove,
press it into the same amount of oil, and mix well.)

Cube 3 or 4 slices of Italian or French bread. Take two Tsps of
the garlic oil, add it to your heaviest skillet, and heat to moderate
low. Add the bread cubes and let them brown slowly, stirring
occasionally. These are the croutons.

Take one big or two small heads romaine lettuce, wash it well, dry
it well, and tear it into big chunks into your largest salad bowl.

Over the lettuce twist your pepper mill several times. Give it a
sprinkling of dry mustard, about 1/2 tsp. Add a few drops of
Worcestershire sauce. Take 4-5 flat fillets of anchovies, chop
them, and sprinkle them into the bowl. If you don't have any
fillets on hand, add about 1 tsp of anchovy paste to the oil, and
mix well. If you simply won't eat anchovies, omit them, but I
don't understand. Try Spam instead; maybe you'll end up with
something strange and wonderful, but probably not.

Sprinkle over the lettuce about 3 Tsp white wine vinegar (about
half as much oil as you have left after the crouton production).
Add the remaining oil. Break an egg into a cup, beat it just to
blend it, and add it to the salad. Juice one whole lemon over the
entire affair with your lemon reamer.

Take a handful of freshly grated Parmesan cheese, maybe 1/3 cup,
and add it to the salad. Lastly, add the croutons.

Now, toss the salad well. Very well. Serve.

Serves at least six as a salad course, maybe more, but they'll want
seconds.

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